I’d always vowed I’d never marry someone who thought I should be subservient. I wanted to be equal with my spouse. I didn’t want to do all the duties traditionally seen as “women’s work” alone. Today, I’m so thankful I have a husband who helps me, encourages me, and supports me.

After being married for 10 years, I’ve realized that it’s okay to have “woman” and “men” duties, as long as you’re always offering to help each other out. God tells us to be Christ-like, and I believe it is often hardest to be so with our husbands because we are so comfortable around them.

Sometimes, we can get caught in our selfishness and forget the hard work, time, and effort our spouse is putting into something. We focus on how late they came home, always being on the phone, and not being as present as we would like them to be; but to be Christ-like is to “encourage one another and build each other up…” I Thessalonians 5:11 (New Internationaal Version.) We should be one another’s biggest supporters and work together as a team to achieve each other’s goals in anything we do.

Four years ago, my husband’s job relocated us to move up north. Away from friends and family, 8 months pregnant, and raising an 18-month old. One would think this Boston girl would be excited to be back up north, but instead, I was devastated. I had no family or friends close by. My family was still a six-hour drive away. I had no choice, but to stand behind my husband and choose to believe he was making the right choice for our family. We lived in Philly for 14 months. During those months I would have said those were the worst months of my life. Now, when I look back, they were not the best, but they definitely helped our family grow spiritually.  It was a time in my life, I had no choice but to let go and let God. I spoke to Him daily because I had no one else. God listened, and I started understanding Him more. Our faith grew more than ever, and my husband and I knew as a family we would get through this with God’s grace. We prayed for a change, for doors to open, and for us to be okay with whatever He hands us. Low and behold, He did just what we had prayed for which allowed us to move back to Florida. I can look back on this chapter in our lives and say that this time was the biggest turning point for my husband and I. We were forced to rely on each other and God.

We are not created equal in our talents and skills, but that means we must learn how to become one flesh ever day. I imagine that even couples having been together 50 plus years are still learning new ways to do so. I know we will encounter roadblocks along the way, and we will fight hard to work through them. Marriage is difficult—an uphill battle in so many ways, but when you find that steady running pace that works for both of you, amazing things can happen.

I have been a stay at home mom for almost seven years now, and my husband will still help out when he gets home from work. Working for himself, he has a more flexible schedule, but I’ve had to accept his work is done in unconventional places like restaurants. I’ve started a fitness coaching business which means I’m on social media and my phone more than I would like. With all of our life stages we continue to find our balance between work, family, alone, and social time. As long as we’re working together towards bettering ourselves and our relationship I think we’re headed in the right direction.

How has God impacted your relationship with your spouse to help you find a better balance?

Prem Adams

After six years of committing her energy, heart, and time into her family, Prem ventured into the world of fitness. Always having the desire to help people reach their goals, she believes she’s found her calling. While still being wife and mother, she coaches individuals through private bootcamps on how to incorporate fitness and nutrition into their busy lifestyles. In her spare time, she enjoys freelance writing on nutrition, fitness, and Christian parenting.

If you’re interested in finding out more about her bootcamps you can email her at mycolorjoy@gmail.com or follow her Instagram page@mycolorofjoy.